Ure Not Alone..

SOMEWHERE OUT THERE

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moonlight
Someone's thinking of me and loving me tonight
Somewhere out there someone's saying a prayer
That we'll find one another in that big somewhere out there
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true
And even though I know how very far apart we are
It helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star
And when the night wind starts to sing a lonesome lullaby
It helps to think we're sleeping underneath the same big sky
Somewhere out there if love can see us through
Then we'll be together somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

How Wonderful Life Would Be..

Oh Dear How Wonderful Life Would Be
With You Still In My Heart
Oh Dear How Wonderful Life Would Be
With You Still In My Dreams

Only Stars In The Sky
Who Will Understand My Tears
Let The Time Pass Me By
I Am Lonely As Can Be
Lonely Raven In The Sky
Who Will Understand My Fears
It Is Just You And I
My Aching Despain

p/s:

Life Is Like A Box Of Chocolates. Each Chocolates Is Like A Portion Of Life. Some Are Crunchy, Some Are Nutty, Some Are Sweet, Some Are Chewy But All Are Delicious In Their Own Way. Without Each One, Life Would Not Be Complete.

Bla Bla Bla..

Adehhhh... my feeling so mixed up with jealous n sad n so on.. sighh.. so sad enuff.. u still not telling me about ur true feeling.. wish i can read ur mind n ur heart.. what going on with u.. cant u tell me the truth.. what the meaning of love to u? u so confusing with ur own heart.. i also become so confused.. yesterday u say love, today u say dont know.. are u just playing with my heart then.. atleast say something.. what a weird feeling.. ok.. done with that..

tomolo my frens gets married.. huhu.. i cant go.. sorry bro.. wish i can come.. Congrats to u anyway.. u saying i know that girl.. i wondering whom.. shit.. just tell me bro.. u owez playing something like this to me.. lol.. GOOD LUCK TO U MY FRENS.. Hope u be happy forever..
hahaha.. there u go, i lost my good partner.. huhuhu.. i gonna missed my old day with u bro.. getting drunk, accident, fight n all other stuff we both do before.. i missed my day in kuching, sibu, bintulu n miri with u bro.. whuaaa whuaaa.. but i happy for u bro.. finally u found ur love one.. haha.. best of luck..

whatelse.. my life gettin better lately, seem all thing gets into shape.. only that thing still bugging me coz i still dont know her true feeling.. well, i gonna keep my blog this time.. kinda fun to do after all.. sharing what i been through n what happen to me.. maybe someday, this blog will remind of me how my life going on.. hahaha.. actually, i kinda hate this thing before but somehow, it change my mind.. guess i found how interesting is blogging.. hahaha.. hope found more frens in here while blogging.. ahaks.. ttyl.. see ya..

I hate you so much...

Im trying not to hate you but i cant..
Even thou ure saying sorry so many time, but i still cant forgive u what u have done to me.. sighh..
this feeling really sucks.. im trying to be nice but i cant..
i cant faking that im ok with u.. stop all this nonsense..
u really hurting me..
how i supposed to forgive u.. to me, it all over.. just dont appear in my life anymore..
i hate u so much.. but i feel bad for what happened to u..
just live for ur own sake n look forward.. u have ur own life now..
i cant help u anyway..
i already gave u so many chance before but u really spoils it.
u dont know how to appreciate the people around u who love u..
when u lost it, u cant so easily get it back..
it just like a field full with flower..
u looking n searching for the most beautiful flower ever without turning back..
u found one but u think maybe a lot beautiful than this..
but in the end, u reach at the end of the field..
nothing in ur hand but u cant turn back to look it again..
this is life..
same as ur love one..
if u dont know how to appreciate it, u will losing it..
the chance come once in a life time..
u will know who the most care n love u..
Appreciate it n take good care of it..
pay attention to someone u love..
Do CARE other feeling..
LOVE is not just a word..
It really come from sincerely heart..
Im done with all this feeling..

Damn Crazy Week..

Condolence to frens of mine. She lost her beloved father on Wednesday afternoon. Rest In Peace. This week, my day became so crazy with sadness n weird n sickness.. Today, im really sick. arghh, barely cant move.. i just stay at my room n i feel so bad.. My whole body is in pain.. My heart is the worst pain in me.. Last night i cant sleep till this morning.. worried too much.. while i typing this, my head spinning over like gasing huh.. after i finish with this, i go back to my bed lol.. not in the mood to eat.. i lost my appetite.. geez.. i worried so much.. keep thinking of that person.. gtg now.. i feel really sick..

It's all about the negative and positive..

What the hell im talkin about.. This blog gettin more serious matter.. Geez.. What i doing here again.. Forgot my main reason actually.. Well, this is me after all.. I read all my post and what a such an idiots.. This is kinda suck.. So lame.. Wish i dont know how to do this blog.. actually i got plenty of blog but i dont remember my id and my blog name.. i didnt save it b4 this.. maybe have been delete.. unlike this blog, i keep it and save it.. after all, i used this mail n i can remember it.. Now i dont care with everything i have except one things.. im so tired lol.. im gettin tension everyday.. none of it make me happy except one thing.. Well, i gettin used of it.. so, i just keep think positive and live on.. negative is all the time but negative plus negative it become positive.. what the hell.. i will continue this blog after all.. i dont care what the hell u all are saying.. go to hell.. ahaks.. peace...

Doing Like This And Like That..

Nothing to do after all. Just upgrade my blog.. Much better with the new look.. I just doing nothing.. Im not sign in my YM, MSN and SKYPE.. I need to do something that chased away my feeling.. Busying my self with some crazy stuff.. Now im happy when doing something that make my dad mad at me.. Atleast i wont think that make me sad.. Today i smash all my empty bottle of liquor.. Kinda fun to do.. LOL.. Im not doing at my place.. I doing it at somewhere else.. If i told u all, none of u will belived it.. Its called Tanah Perkuburan.. haha.. im bad after all.. do i care?, i dont care at all.. im crazy enuff today.. if the ghost wanna hunt me, hunt la.. let see who the crazies.. human or ghost.. blah la ko hantu.. do u think im scared, come n get me.. that what i shouted b4 im leaving.. if the ghost really hunt me, i be laughing at myself.. LOL.. haha..

Kepura-puraan..

Aku dalam kepura-puraan kah? Im saying im happy but deep inside me says otherwise. How come i feel so sad. I really dont know but im really sad. So sad. Arghhhhhhh... Tensionnya.. What is going on with me. I do feel mad, angry, frustrated and sad deeply inside me. Aku x tahan lg. Aku ingin luahkan semuanya. Kau.................... Aku x faham. Aku keliru. Aku nak tahu kebenaran. Aku macam orang bodoh. Sapa aku sebenarnya. Apa sebenarnya berlaku sejak dari mula lagi. Aku hanya persinggahan. Aku nak tahu keadaan sebenar. What the meaning of all this.

Menghancurkan diri aku..

I'm listening to this song. Its so meaningful to me. Its really describe who i am. How my feel and my soul. It really make me think how my life and expressed my self. Pertama kali ku mendengar lagu tuh, ya seolah2 menceritakan tentang aku sejak dr rangkap pertama sehingga ke rangkap terakhir. Seolah2 lagu tu tercipta untuk aku. Aku ulang lagu tuh sampai aku puas hati. Haha.. Aku cuma mengapai bintang yg jauh dr tangan aku. Hempasan ombak membuai pancaindera pendengaran aku. Mata ku di kaburi kepura-puraan. Nafas ku sesak seolah di altitud tinggi. Yang mana palsu dan yang mana benar. Kekeliruan merasuk jiwa ku lagi. Ingin ku luahkan, tp aku x berdaya. Seolah2 anak tekak ku hancur dimamah asid. Hati ku rapuh seperti kaca nipis. Kenyataan dan kepuraan di mata ku dan di hati ku menghancurkan diri aku. Kepahitan dan kemanisan dah x terasa di lidah ku. Ingin ku tutup mata ku. Ingin ku behenti berjalan. Tanpa menyesal aku bernafas. Hidup penuh kepura-puraan. So tired. So tired enuff till i cant breath. No answer n no question n no debate. Alangkah indahnya hidup sekiranya masalah dapat diselesaikan seperti mana lukisan manga, Cuma perlukan 2 petak lukisan, lukiskan 1 petak msalah dan 1 petak penyelesaian. Alangkah indah sekiranya hidup semudah itu.

Important thing..

I have been thinking about people around me, my life and how it goes. Tell the truth. Now i'm just realize how important is to appreciate my day, my life and people around me. Even thou my life suck sometime and really miserable due to my style of living. Lately it become more clear, it opened my eyes and change my perception for another point of view. It's doesn't matter how bad or good you are, how rich or poor you are, employed or unemployed you are and what kind of life style you really into. What did i mention just now, doesn't mean you can hangout around and don't care what happen around you. It does matter and we got to know. I tell you why and what i know from my point of view.

Ask yourself What is happening around you and do you care what is happening around you? Are you happy with it? This question related to yourself and how we appreciate what happening around us. I'm asking myself this question and think about it and look for the answer. After a while, i realize what i been missing in me. It's enjoyment and appreciate what happening in my life. It's doesn't matter if my life is happy or miserable, as long i'm happy with myself and appreciate every moment of my life is. This is what supposed i do.

This is Life. It's full of happiness and sadness, it depend how we take good care of our life. The most important thing is appreciate people around us especially the loved one and the family.Do always make priority for someone who we really care of. If you got a lot of work, lay back a lil bit and spend time with them even for a while. Make sure you know how to divide your time with your loved one. Sometime, when we lost someone, then we realize how important that person to us. So, do appreciate people around you.

Even thou bad things happen, we must accept what happen and follow the flow of our life. Look forward and walk with your head up. We can't change what did happen and we must live with what we got. If bad things happen, good thing will come with it too. God knows what good and bad for us. But the choice of our life still in our hand. The end of it, we must appreciate of our life and it's doesn't matter how your life is going on. Be happy and thankful for what you got. Keep the faith. Don't regret what you have done or your decision you take. Sometime, how hard you path is, there always be better life and the good thing is we learn something. Just keep walk till the end. There always be a sunshine after the rain. The important thing is, be yourself, appreciate and enjoy every moment of your life till the end of your life. Says love to your loved one today because tomorrow we never know if we alive to breath.

Ada apa dalam hati ku..

Aku mencari-cari makna kehidupan. Adakah aku akan terus mencari makna sesebuah kehidupan. Adakah aku akan menemui kehidupan tersebut. Suatu persoalan yang sukar. Pilihan ada ditangan aku sendiri. Pilihan yang menentukan kehidupan aku. Hidup dan mati adalah salah satu pilihan. Hidup dalam kekosongan yang tidak tenteram dan jiwa yang bermasalah. Mati meninggalkan semua pelbagai masalah tapi adakah itu jalan penyelesaian. Hati ku tak pernah tenang dan perasaan yang mampu membuat orang menjadi gila. Aku tak tahan dengan kehidupan begini. Aku ingin menjalani kehidupan seperti orang lain. Ingin ku luahkan segala-galanya dalam hati aku tapi aku tak mampu buat begitu. Seolah-olah hati ku melarang membuat begitu. Aku simpan semuanya di dalam hati aku. Entah bagaimana meluahkan perasaaan dan ketidak tenangan dalam hati aku. Adakah dengan menulis di blog, aku mampu mengimbangi rasa luahkan aku. Penat dengan segala macam masalah yang timbul. Segalanya berpunca dari aku sendiri. Aku telah membuat pilihan suatu ketika dulu, dan tiada maknanya aku menyesal.

Kadang-kadang aku ingin melarikan diri aku dari masalah tapi itu bukan cara aku. Sebab aku tahu masalah tetap akan timbul dan muncul dalam kehidupan aku. Aku keliru dan tak tahu bagaimana lagi. Aku dah tak boleh buat keputusan lagi. Aku keliru dengan semua perkara. Pendirian aku dah goyah. Pedoman aku dah hilang. Perasaan aku dah kucar kacir. Hidup aku turun naik. Keinginan aku pudar. Keghairahan membuat sesuatu perkara dah berkurangan. Senyuman aku yang kian hilang. Kesedihan yang kian nyata. Dunia aku yang penuh suram dan sentiasa hujan dan mendung. Hidup aku seolah lagu yang hilang rentaknya. Aku semakin tertekan dan perasaan aku semakin murung. Kenapa aku menjadi begini? Dalam diri aku penuh dengan persoalan. Adakah aku telah berubah kepada seseorang yang mempunyai masalah mental. Adakah ini akibat dari mendengar masalah orang lain sehingga menjangkiti diri aku? Sesuatu perkara yang sukar diterima bagi diri aku.

Kemana hilangnya diri aku yang dulu. Seorang yang penuh passion dan fikiran positif. Seorang yang sentiasa melakukan kejutan. Seorang yang happy go lucky. Seorang yang mempunyai impian dan tanggungjawab dalam kehidupan. Seorang pemikir dan penyelesai masalah. Seorang yang simple dan easy friendly. Adakah aku melalui proses kematangan second stage? Suatu persoalan yang sukar aku ungkaikan. Sekarang, keinginan dan kemahuan dalam kehidupan aku semakin samar. Seolah-olah aku meraba dalam gelap. Kemana arah hala tuju aku? Siapa aku yang sebenarnya? Kenapa aku keliru dengan semua perkara? Apa pilihan yang terdapat pada aku? Adakah ini kehidupan aku?

Hati aku penuh dengan pelbagai masalah dan kemurungan. Adakah aku perlu jumpa pakar dalam pemasalahan ini? Adakah aku perlu menyembunyikan diri aku dari segala macam masalah buat seketika dan pergi merantau mencari ketenangan dalam diri aku. Entah apa jalan yang terbaik dalam diri aku. Ada hikmah kah disebalik semua masalah yang berlaku pada diri aku. Aku betul-betul keliru dengan semua ini. Aku cuma mahu menjalani kehidupan yang tenang. Kalau boleh, aku ingin menjadi halimunan dalam kehidupan semua orang. Tiada yang tahu, tiada yang peduli, tiada yang mencari dan tiada yang nampak aku melainkan seseorang. Aku cuma mahu senyum dan kebahagiaan dan kegembiraan aku dan bersama seseorang. Itu saja yang aku mahukan dan ianya cukup simple. Cukuplah dengan segala masalah yang ada.

Aku dah sedaya upaya tabah menjalani kehidupan aku yang sekarang. Kehidupan yang aku tak pernah sangka dan bayangkan dalam hidup aku. Apa yang perlu aku lakukan hanya bertahan dan sehingga aku tak mampu lagi menahan perasaan dalam hati aku. Oh Tuhan, cukup sudah masalah yang Kau beri pada ku. Rasanya tak mampu lagi aku menanggung masalah yang Kau berikan. Ringankan dan kurangkan segala masalah yang Kau berikan. Amin.

How To Smile?

Wondering my post title How To Smile?.. U wanna know.. Coz i cant smile.. hell yeah.. lately my mood unstable at all but i know how to control it anyway.. like usually, fake smile n happy is what im good at.. keep all my sadness by myself.. dont know where to let it out huh.. talking to myself again.. advice myself.. keep smile n walk forward.. how hard my path is, just keep walk n till the end of the road.. life is unpredictable.. sometime u are at the top, sometime u are at the bottom.. sometime i do jealous looks at others people smile.. but think again, are they faking their smile like me or honestly smile.. i really dont know.. what life it mean anyway.. i still looking for the answer.. maybe the answer is dead.. i feel i being fooling around by people around me.. penat sudah aku berpura2.. aku cuma melakonkan watak aku dlm hidup di dunia ini.. matikan saja watak aku.. itu la paling aku mahu skrg..

No Title For This Post..

Eloww.. Im back.. Nak luahkan apa yang aku rasa.. Aku sedih.. Entah apa yang aku buat sebelum ini masih belum cukup menyakinkan kah.. Selalu buat aku tertanya2.. Apakah dia menyintai aku dengan ikhlas.. Aku menyintai dia seolah2 hari ini hari terakhir aku hidup dan bersama dia.. Do i look unmatured towards her.. Judge me by its cover??.. I do talks weird thing but one reason i doing that is to make her smile.. I can be serious too.. All she needs is tell me and i can be serious.. I ask and told to my self, do i make her sad, i promise make her happy, i accept who she really are.. I do love her so much.. Cant she see what im been doing and how i talks to her.. Hmm..

Am i not good enough for her.. Sometimes, she make me laugh when i being serious. Its make me sad.. Is she cant smile with me?, im not good enough to make her cheer up.. Am i just a good listener after all, not good enough to advice others people.. But my frens says otherwise.. I really dont know.. Sighh.. How i dont worried if i know she is sick and have a lot of works to do.. If i could, i take her place and do all the works.. I know she can take care of herself but seeing and knows she sick and got a lot works to do is differents way point of view, how im not worried..

Live in reality life.. Im live in reality life.. Cant i have my own impian dan angan2. Impian dan angan2 membangkitkan semangat dan menjadikan seseorang tersebut berusaha dan mencapai sasaran. Impian dan angan2 bersama mu.. Have my own company, my own house, my own car, take care of u, live happily ever after.. Reality is hard to achieve but as long we didnt give up, we will achieve if someday.. Its a matter of time and experience of our live.. Its bring us looks forward and walking forward bringing with all sweet and sour of a past experience.. Its bring us to another level of life..

I still believed life is so sweet eventhough there a obstacle in our life.. I keep all the bad thing inside me all along.. Maybe my heart black cause of this.. Keep it all by myself.. Who wanna listen after all.. If i told her, i just burden her with my thought and my feeling and make her more miserable.. Good Friends or Best Friends?? Hahaha.. Thats make me laugh.. This is what in my mind and how my feeling is.. Sometime, i cant take this problem anymore, but i believed hidup susah dahulu sebelum hidup senang.. I think its unreasonable using that word at the time like this.. But this word keep me walk forward.. That all.. Thanx for reads. You all may comment..

Last Day..

Today my last day. I don't know what should i say. There a lot sadness n less happiness happen around me. Wish everything is a dream. Hate everything. Wish im heartless. Wish im dead. I speechless. Thanx to anyone who reads my blog. Nothing else i wanna to say. Sometimes, no word can describe how my feeling. I'm give up with my life. That doesnt mean i afraid n run from my problem. I been facing it all day. Its the time i give up. Wish i'm not excist in this world since begining. (T_T)")

Heartless..

Wish i'm a heartless person. Can't stop this feeling. I can't let it go. If i let it go, i will be in a great pain. Maybe i ended up my life. I wish what i'm doing is the right thing. I'm so sad with everything happen around me. It seem all my fault. I missing someone so much but she far away from me. I need her hug and her word to rest my mind. So hard for me to facing everyday of my life. So hard enough till i wish im dead now.

Thinking About My Self..

Life is so unpredictable. Today, i been thinking about my self. What kind of person i am. So far, i didn't found anything good about me. Wondering who am i to someone else. Listening to Jay Chou songs all day. Tired what happen around me. The war around the world. Can't their think how to save earth. Earth in pain because of us. Global warming is the sign for us to save the earth. Do anyone care about earth. Better i go to sleep. So tired. Love u so much dear. Miss u so much dear. Take care. Muahhhh..

Sunday..

Warghh.. i woke up so late today.. around 10am.. sakit lorr kepala ku bgn lewat.. malas mau guna bhasa english.. aku seorg pengguna bhasa english yg teruk.. sigh.. apa kah.. ntah la.. aku rasa sungguh bosan sgt.. nak guna internet, punya la payah.. nak beli wifi, bah bg duit kat aku.. aku mmg gi beli skrg gak.. tp apa bleh buat, bank negara aku tutup.. wahaha.. aku x paham la ttg diri aku sendiri.. adakah aku seorg pembohong dan penipu.. adakah aku suka menungkit.. kalau ada, maafkan aku la.. sbb nya aku x tahu dan aku x paham aku sendiri.. mungkin betul kata org lain, aku org yg xda pendirian yg tetap.. lagi satu, aku mmg la tersangat jujur ikhlas terhadap org sehingga aku kena tipu pun aku x sedar.. kalo sedar pun, aku buat2 x tau.. biar la org cakap yg bukan2 kat aku.. janji aku sendiri tau apa yg aku cakapkan tu betul.. pandangan org lain, mana la sama pandangna kita.. org angguk pun belum tentu stuju apa yg kita ckapkan.. ntah2 dlm hati katakan tak stuju.. dah puas dah aku dijadikan kambing hitam, smua kesalahan org diletakkan diatas bahu aku.. aku dah penat melawan smua tu.. aku just tutup mulut n membebal dalam hati aku sendiri.. kalo aku sedih, bukan ada kwn nak dgr smua ceta aku.. yg pelik nya, kalo kwn aku sedih n down, comfirm cari aku.. call aku, ajak aku kuar.. dgr smua ceta msalah dorang.. aku bukan merungut cuma aku x paham, betul ke aku kawan korang.. time sedih baru nak jumpa aku, time korang happy, x nampak batang hidung pun.. time aku call n ajak korang kuar, fuiyohhh, nak meletup hp aku call.. asyik dgr kringgg yg x terjawab.. heran gak aku.. patut ke aku berkawan dgn org mcm tu.. lagi bhaya ada kawan yg tikam aku dr belakang.. aku mmg la marah tp nak buat mcm mana, benda dah berlaku.. yg betul2 kawan aku, ada la beberapa org.. tp dorang dah ada tanggungjawab masing2.. so, aku x nak la kacau.. manusia yg berpura2 mmg banyak sgt heh.. aku x tau nak mengadu kat sapa lg.. apa yg aku bleh buat, luahkan kat blog.. perkara yg aku x suka bleh jadi suka.. hehehe.. penat lorr.. doin the same thing everyday.. kalau bleh, aku nak merantau n berjalan sehingga aku penat dan behenti sampai aku rasa dah buat yg termampu.. lari2 ke arah yg aku x tau.. kat hati aku nih, mcm2 yg ada.. nak memahami diri aku mmg susah.. slalu bertanya kepda diri aku.. mcm org gila sudah bercakap sendiri dlm hati.. bila tgk org happy, gelak, senyum.. aku harapkan mcm tu gak.. happy, gelak,senyum.. tp aku x mcm tu.. ntah la.. dunia aku semakin malap kot.. x mampu aku katakan lg.. bila aku betul2 happy, aku pun dah x ingat.. bila aku happy, pastu gerenti x happy lg.. kejap je aku happy.. kalau aku tdo, aku harap aku x jumpa hari esok.. sbb esok hari xda maknanya.. aku masih mencari makna hidup aku sendiri.. ntah bila aku nak jumpa.. aku dah jumpa salah satu tujuan aku tp ntah la.. sbb tuhan slalu permainkan aku.. last2, hilang jua tujuan aku tu.. penat dah aku.. aku x tau nak lakukan apa lg.. aku cuma berharap tujuan aku tersebut xkan hilang dr aku.. apa2 pun, aku kan teruskan blog nih walaupun aku rasakan nak delete blog nih.. tengok la sampai kemana arah hidup aku bleh pegi.. manusia mmg lemah.. kalau ada yg kuat, good for u.. gtg.. bye.. to be continued..

Saturday..

What i been doin heh... doin some crazy stuff with my sis.. taking stupid picture of me.. and sending to her.. geez.. what im doin to my self.. goin out, nahh, not in my mind.. today just doin nothin but chatting only.. gtg.. not so much i wanna wrote.. such a boring n sleepy day.. whatever..

looking for my own path...

Looking for my own path. Looking for something i loved to do. I wondering what the meaning of my life. Deep inside my heart so black, i mean pure black. Empty and unreasonable to stay alive. Sometimes i tired with all the problem that bugging me all the time. Really want to put an end of my life. Then i think again, who gonna take care of them if i gone. I love and miss them so much. The main meaning i stay alive is because of them. Other than that, i don't know. It seem i only see one colour only. Unlike others, see such colourful like a rainbow. I believed i should not give up and keep looking for something i loved to do. Maybe someday, i found what i been looking for.