I'm Sick..

I'm sick of everything.. Hate living in this house.. Hope my dad buy a new one.. I'm not moving and live with them anymore.. Better for me live alone than everyday been lecture.. My ear turn to deaf if this continues.. I'm sick with all this.. Faking i'm happy.. I tried my best to solve this problem but it never end.. The best way is moving away from them or them moving away from me.. He said wanna build a house near beach.. Then, go ahead.. No objection from me.. Better away than near me.. If this won't happen, fine, i look for my self.. If i could, far away enough.. Don't be so dependable towards me.. I sick doing everything he says.. It still not right in his eye.. Let others do that thing for you.. I just want to be happy with her.. Nothing more important than she being with me.. One day, i will be gone.. So, at that time, dont miss me.. Someday, i hope you stop doing this to me.. I'm your son after all.. And you are my dad..

Confession...

I don't know where to begin with. What the meaning of love. It's just a talk or a word or really have a meaning inside our heart. For me, when i says i love you. I really mean what i says. Love is not a joke to play around. Love came from deep our heart. I don't know what else i gonna to say. I wish i know what the meaning of love inside your heart. She said i'm so special deep inside her heart. I know she love me. I know she afraid to be in love again. I know she afraid gonna hurt me and herself. I know what she been thinking lately. I believed we both just too afraid to admit and talk about this. I'm so afraid i gonna lose her. I love her so much. I can't breathing without her. I been thinking about this. I know and very sure i'm not wrong falling in love with. This feeling came deep inside me. I missing her so much. Everyday i waits for her. I don't care what others say. I found happiness inside her .She is the best ever precious came to my life. Let say it a miracle that God send to me. She is not a bad girl. I mean it. I look through inside her heart. She paint my life with wonderful colour. Before this my heart so black, now slowly it change to other colours. Now i know how to thank to God for giving me a precious person ever. I can't losing her. Someday, i know we both will get through all this and we both will happily ever after. I can think one solution for all of this, let we both be brave and facing all the matters together. Lets start a new day without worrying and thinking to much. Now, we both become one. We both will get through all of this. I will not run away from you. That all i wanna to say. One more thing, for others out there. Don't judge others because of something that happen to you. Don't blame others. Got problem, face it and fixed it. It's all about how you manage and solve the problem.

Wonderful Night..

Thanx dear for giving me a wonderful night. I love you so much dear. Thanx to God because sending me a beautiful and cute angel. You are really a angel to me. Miss you so much dear. I'm so happy being with you. You are my sunshine. Let me be your last love in the whole world. I will be with you for the rest of my life. God bless us.

looking for my own path...

Looking for my own path. Looking for something i loved to do. I wondering what the meaning of my life. Deep inside my heart so black, i mean pure black. Empty and unreasonable to stay alive. Sometimes i tired with all the problem that bugging me all the time. Really want to put an end of my life. Then i think again, who gonna take care of them if i gone. I love and miss them so much. The main meaning i stay alive is because of them. Other than that, i don't know. It seem i only see one colour only. Unlike others, see such colourful like a rainbow. I believed i should not give up and keep looking for something i loved to do. Maybe someday, i found what i been looking for.

"I don't understand you"

I don't know what you mean by saying 'i don't understand you'. Let me tell you what happen last night. Right before i sign out YM, i did tell you that i have to sign out. Someone is knocking my door so hard. You know who was it. Keep telling me to stop online and open the door. I'm just keep silent in my room what ever he said. At that time, i still online with you. I don't know what really happen to him. Lastly, i shut down my laptop and open my door. After that, you know what happen. I argue with him. Everything i do, he not satisfy enough. What the hell. For this couple years, i been listening and do what ever he said me to do. What else he want me to do. I want to do something i like and loved. I don't want to dependable with them. I'm not asking them anyway. Everything i do is my business. What he want from me anyway. I'm not disturb them. He want me accompany him watch tv or what so ever he want me to do. Ok, fine. I'm not in my room anymore. My lil brother went to my room and took modem from me. I really wanna online at that time, you send a msg saying 'i don't understand you'. I keep wondering, what you mean by saying something like that. If you don't understand, then ask me. I can't sleep and keep thinking what you mean. I told you everything. Maybe some of my ym msg don't reach at you. Aiyaa.. Btw, i miss you so much. Love you so much. Have a nice day. Muah.

My Story..

This is the whole story.. The truth that you dont want to listen and know.. What did i told u before is true.. I already told you about this.. I will tell you once again.. I am not shame with this because i really do love you so much.. I not shame if others read this too.. What the best way is ask me.. Read this once again dear..

I been with this girl for 3 years.. Almost 4 years before i and her broke up.. She the one who want to break up with me.. She told me that she got pregnant with someone else.. she doesn't love me anymore and she love someone else. I'm very shock and very upset. At that time, i in kuching and she in miri. For the past 3 years, i been loyalty with her. You know how it feels, rite. Well, you know the rest of my story. Then i wrote a letter to her but i never print it out and sent to her. Slowly i get over with it. I throw away all the stuff that she gave to me including her pic. I never keep it. The letter that u read is already a past. Something that i already let it go. All what written in that letter is just a emosional sadness. For your info, ever since that day she call me to break up. I never msg or call her. It take time for me to recover from that pain. Slowly it heals. After that, i'm afraid to be in love again. I'm not interested in relationship after that. Been a single guy 4,5 month after the broke up. Then, i meet you dear. You make me fall in love again. This time, i'm not make a mistake to falling in love with. I'm deeply falling in love with you. I'm accept who you are. I'm being me, who love you more than everyone else and more than my own life. I'm not blaming you for the all misunderstanding between us. It because of me. My own fault. I keep telling you that it was my fault. I'm so sorry dear. It's my own stupidity because wrote that letter. I'm not afraid being honest with you. I don't have any secret or hide something from you. I told everything what i know to you. All i did because ii really do love you so much and i want you to know how deep my love towards you. You are so precious and special to me. I hope what i'm wrote in here will make you trust and never doubt my love towards you. I'm not shame let others read and know what in my mind and my heart and how i feel towards you. If i could, i let the whole world know how much i love you and my heart, my life, my love belong to you. I'm so sorry dear. Please forgive me. I always think of you and love you so much. Missing you so badly. :((

I'm so sad.. I'm so sorry..

Last nite, once again i make her cry again.. I'm such a bad bf.. i feel so bad toward her.. if i could, i want her to be happy always.. I'm being honest all the time with her.. I'm listening what ever she says.. knowing and seeing her crying, was the worst ever feeling i ever had.. i can't sleep and keep thinking about her.. i know how hurt her heart is.. if i have a special gifted, i wanna heal her pain and heart.. chase away all the sadness deep inside her heart.. while i wrote this, i'm so sad.. how i want to gain her trust towards me.. how to convince her that i really do love her so much.. if i could, i sacrifice my life for her happiness.. i never run away from her.. i trust her so much.. i know how deep her love towards me.. i dedicated all my life for her.. I'm willing do anything to make her happy.. all the pain, i will keep it and never let u keep it.. if she know how deep my love towards her.. if i could, i lend her my heart and let her use my heart for one day.. she will know how much i love her and how much i missing her every minute of my life.. i appreciate every minute i spend with her.. i really don't know what to do.. wish i could talk to her rite now.. i really do love u so much.. so sad enough.. we both in love.. i wish i always be there beside you..


This Song For You Dear..

I will be - Leona Lewis

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

[Bridge:]
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Verse 2:]
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

[Bridge:]
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Ending bridge:]
Cause without you I cant sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need

[Chorus:]
And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Chorus:]
I will be (I'll be), all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, you know I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay