looking for my own path...

Looking for my own path. Looking for something i loved to do. I wondering what the meaning of my life. Deep inside my heart so black, i mean pure black. Empty and unreasonable to stay alive. Sometimes i tired with all the problem that bugging me all the time. Really want to put an end of my life. Then i think again, who gonna take care of them if i gone. I love and miss them so much. The main meaning i stay alive is because of them. Other than that, i don't know. It seem i only see one colour only. Unlike others, see such colourful like a rainbow. I believed i should not give up and keep looking for something i loved to do. Maybe someday, i found what i been looking for.

"I don't understand you"

I don't know what you mean by saying 'i don't understand you'. Let me tell you what happen last night. Right before i sign out YM, i did tell you that i have to sign out. Someone is knocking my door so hard. You know who was it. Keep telling me to stop online and open the door. I'm just keep silent in my room what ever he said. At that time, i still online with you. I don't know what really happen to him. Lastly, i shut down my laptop and open my door. After that, you know what happen. I argue with him. Everything i do, he not satisfy enough. What the hell. For this couple years, i been listening and do what ever he said me to do. What else he want me to do. I want to do something i like and loved. I don't want to dependable with them. I'm not asking them anyway. Everything i do is my business. What he want from me anyway. I'm not disturb them. He want me accompany him watch tv or what so ever he want me to do. Ok, fine. I'm not in my room anymore. My lil brother went to my room and took modem from me. I really wanna online at that time, you send a msg saying 'i don't understand you'. I keep wondering, what you mean by saying something like that. If you don't understand, then ask me. I can't sleep and keep thinking what you mean. I told you everything. Maybe some of my ym msg don't reach at you. Aiyaa.. Btw, i miss you so much. Love you so much. Have a nice day. Muah.

My Story..

This is the whole story.. The truth that you dont want to listen and know.. What did i told u before is true.. I already told you about this.. I will tell you once again.. I am not shame with this because i really do love you so much.. I not shame if others read this too.. What the best way is ask me.. Read this once again dear..

I been with this girl for 3 years.. Almost 4 years before i and her broke up.. She the one who want to break up with me.. She told me that she got pregnant with someone else.. she doesn't love me anymore and she love someone else. I'm very shock and very upset. At that time, i in kuching and she in miri. For the past 3 years, i been loyalty with her. You know how it feels, rite. Well, you know the rest of my story. Then i wrote a letter to her but i never print it out and sent to her. Slowly i get over with it. I throw away all the stuff that she gave to me including her pic. I never keep it. The letter that u read is already a past. Something that i already let it go. All what written in that letter is just a emosional sadness. For your info, ever since that day she call me to break up. I never msg or call her. It take time for me to recover from that pain. Slowly it heals. After that, i'm afraid to be in love again. I'm not interested in relationship after that. Been a single guy 4,5 month after the broke up. Then, i meet you dear. You make me fall in love again. This time, i'm not make a mistake to falling in love with. I'm deeply falling in love with you. I'm accept who you are. I'm being me, who love you more than everyone else and more than my own life. I'm not blaming you for the all misunderstanding between us. It because of me. My own fault. I keep telling you that it was my fault. I'm so sorry dear. It's my own stupidity because wrote that letter. I'm not afraid being honest with you. I don't have any secret or hide something from you. I told everything what i know to you. All i did because ii really do love you so much and i want you to know how deep my love towards you. You are so precious and special to me. I hope what i'm wrote in here will make you trust and never doubt my love towards you. I'm not shame let others read and know what in my mind and my heart and how i feel towards you. If i could, i let the whole world know how much i love you and my heart, my life, my love belong to you. I'm so sorry dear. Please forgive me. I always think of you and love you so much. Missing you so badly. :((

I'm so sad.. I'm so sorry..

Last nite, once again i make her cry again.. I'm such a bad bf.. i feel so bad toward her.. if i could, i want her to be happy always.. I'm being honest all the time with her.. I'm listening what ever she says.. knowing and seeing her crying, was the worst ever feeling i ever had.. i can't sleep and keep thinking about her.. i know how hurt her heart is.. if i have a special gifted, i wanna heal her pain and heart.. chase away all the sadness deep inside her heart.. while i wrote this, i'm so sad.. how i want to gain her trust towards me.. how to convince her that i really do love her so much.. if i could, i sacrifice my life for her happiness.. i never run away from her.. i trust her so much.. i know how deep her love towards me.. i dedicated all my life for her.. I'm willing do anything to make her happy.. all the pain, i will keep it and never let u keep it.. if she know how deep my love towards her.. if i could, i lend her my heart and let her use my heart for one day.. she will know how much i love her and how much i missing her every minute of my life.. i appreciate every minute i spend with her.. i really don't know what to do.. wish i could talk to her rite now.. i really do love u so much.. so sad enough.. we both in love.. i wish i always be there beside you..


This Song For You Dear..

I will be - Leona Lewis

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

[Bridge:]
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Verse 2:]
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

[Bridge:]
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Ending bridge:]
Cause without you I cant sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need

[Chorus:]
And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Chorus:]
I will be (I'll be), all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, you know I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

READ THIS...

Pada suatu pagi di satu sekolah menengah, ada seorang pelajar bertanya pada seorang guru yang sedang mengajar. Ketika itu, guru tersebut sedang menyentuh mengenai kasih dan sayang secara am.

Dialog di antara pelajar dan guru tersebut berbunyi begini :

Pelajar : Cikgu, macam mana kita nak pilih seseorang yang terbaik sebagai orang paling kita sayang?. Macam mana juga kasih sayang itu nak berkekalan?

Cikgu : Oh, awak nak tahu ke?.Emmm...baiklah, sekarang kamu buat apa yang saya suruh. Ikut je ye...mungkin kamu akan dapat apa jawapannya.

Pelajar : Baiklah...apa yang saya harus buat?

Cikgu : Kamu pergi ke padang sekolah yang berada di luar kelas sekarang juga. Kamu berjalan di atas rumput di situ dan sambil memandang rumput di depan kamu, pilih mana yang PALING cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi walaupun sekali. Dan kamu petiklah rumput yang PALING cantik yang berada di depan kamu tersebut dan selepas itu bawa balik ke kelas.

Pelajar : Ok. Saya pergi sekarang dan buat apa yang cikgu suruh.

Apabila pelajar tersebut balik semula ke kelas, tiada pun rumput yang berada di tangannya. Maka cikgu pun bertanya kepada pelajar tersebut.

Cikgu : Mana rumput yang cikgu suruh petik?

Pelajar : Oh, tadi saya berjalan di atas rumput dan sambil memandang rumput yang berada di situ, saya carilah rumput yang paling cantik. Memang ada banyak yang cantik tapi cikgu kata petik yang paling cantik maka saya pun terus berjalan ke depan sambil mencari yang paling cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi. Tapi sampai di penghujung padang , saya tak jumpa pun yang paling cantik. Mungkin ada di antara yang di belakang saya sebelum itu tapi dah cikgu cakap tak boleh menoleh ke belakang semula, jadi tiadalah rumput yang saya boleh petik.

Cikgu : Ya, itulah jawapannya. Maknanya, apabila kita telah berjumpa dengan seseorang yang kita sayang, janganlah kita hendak mencari lagi yang lebih baik daripada itu. Kita patut hargai orang yang berada di depan kita sebaik-baiknya. Janganlah kita menoleh ke belakang lagi kerana yang berlaku tetap dah berlaku. Dan semoga yang berlalu tidak lagi berulang. Jika kita berselisih faham dengan orang yang kita sayang itu, kita boleh perbetulkan keadaan dan cuba teruskan perhubungan tersebut walaupun banyak perkara yang menggugat perhubungan tersebut. Dan ingatlah orang yang kita sayang itulah kita jumpa paling cantik dan paling baik pada MULAnya walaupun nak ikutkan banyak lagi yang cantik dan baik seperti rumput tadi. KECUALILAH jika perhubungan tersebut tak boleh diselamatkan lagi, maka barulah kita mulakan sekali lagi. Maka sayangilah orang yang berada di depan kita dengan tulus dan ikhlas.

Maka, bersyukurlah dengan kasih-sayang yang kau terima pada hari ini, kerana jika kau meninggalkannya, mungkin kasih sayang itu tidak akan kembali seperti sediakala.

AIYAAA~~~

aku terlupa pasal blog aku.. wahahaha.. aiyokkkkkkk... mun aku x sign in td.. mmg aku lupa terus psal blog tok.. aiyaaa.. nasib baik la buah hati ku buat blog n aku antar komen.. tiba jak aku tgk ada dashboard.. maknanya wujud lg blog tok.. wahahaha.. aku dah berubah sejak last aku last post.. now i got 2 person in my life to taking care of.. i love them so much.. wlaupun aku slalu buat dia marah sakit hati n kecewa.. dia msh ada disisi aku.. aku betul2 sayangkan cintakan dia.. i miss her every minute of my life.. ingin ku katakan sluruh dunia yg aku cintakan dia.. walking side by side through our day.. aiyaa.. now i missing her so muchh.. huhu.. ok.. enuff with that.. what else i wanna to say.. ohh.. Barcelona Menang.. Yayayayay... hahaha..

Moody Tuesday..

yo ho ho ho.. aku nak mulakan hari dgn arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.........
aku kene alergic laaaa... gatal giler................
terpaksa la rehat je nie.. boring lagi hari aku nie..
tp xpe la... sbb hujan, sejuk ckit hati ku nie... kah3...
dgr lagu smbil surf internet nie mmg syok le...
ntah apa yg interesting hari ni.. kalo tgk tv, gerenti politik je..
malas plak aku nak tgk berita... berita sukan je aku tgk..
btw, Liverpool menang lagi.. yay... Pasukan yang aku sokong dlm EPL..
aku x nak MU menang smua Title.. Hate MU.. hik3... padan muka MU kalah.. haha...
jgn marah ye peminat MU smua..
tp pasukan yang aku minat Barcelona sebenar2nya..
Aku sokong Barcelona menang UEFA Cup.. hahaha...... hooorayy...
ermmmmmm....
penat je ptg nie... gi jogging... panas....
malam pown xder wat aper2.... tgk tv and then surf internet..
hobi aku mengumpul gundam.. best giler koleksi gundam..
ok la.. tu saja tuk hari nie..
besok aku crita lagi..
haha.. wait n see..