Last Day..

Today my last day. I don't know what should i say. There a lot sadness n less happiness happen around me. Wish everything is a dream. Hate everything. Wish im heartless. Wish im dead. I speechless. Thanx to anyone who reads my blog. Nothing else i wanna to say. Sometimes, no word can describe how my feeling. I'm give up with my life. That doesnt mean i afraid n run from my problem. I been facing it all day. Its the time i give up. Wish i'm not excist in this world since begining. (T_T)")

Sweet Song..

Baby I'm Yours

Baby, I'm yours (baby, I'm yours)
And I'll be yours (yours) until the stars fall from the sky,
Yours (yours) until the rivers all run dry
In other words, until I die

Baby, I'm yours (baby, I'm yours)
And I'll be yours (yours) until the sun no longer shines,
Yours (yours) until the poets run out of rhyme
In other words, until the end of time

I'm gonna stay right here by your side,
Do my best to keep you satisfied
Nothin' in the world can drive me away
'Cause every day, you'll hear me say

Baby, I'm yours (baby, I'm yours)
And I'll be yours (yours) until two and two is three,
Yours (yours) until the mountains crumble to the sea
In other words, until eternity

Baby, I'm yours
'Til the stars fall from the sky
Baby, I'm yours
'Til the rivers all run dry
Baby, I'm yours
'Til the sun no longer shines
Baby, I'm yours
'Til the poets run out of rhyme
(fade out)

Heartless..

Wish i'm a heartless person. Can't stop this feeling. I can't let it go. If i let it go, i will be in a great pain. Maybe i ended up my life. I wish what i'm doing is the right thing. I'm so sad with everything happen around me. It seem all my fault. I missing someone so much but she far away from me. I need her hug and her word to rest my mind. So hard for me to facing everyday of my life. So hard enough till i wish im dead now.

Thinking About My Self..

Life is so unpredictable. Today, i been thinking about my self. What kind of person i am. So far, i didn't found anything good about me. Wondering who am i to someone else. Listening to Jay Chou songs all day. Tired what happen around me. The war around the world. Can't their think how to save earth. Earth in pain because of us. Global warming is the sign for us to save the earth. Do anyone care about earth. Better i go to sleep. So tired. Love u so much dear. Miss u so much dear. Take care. Muahhhh..

Sunday..

Warghh.. i woke up so late today.. around 10am.. sakit lorr kepala ku bgn lewat.. malas mau guna bhasa english.. aku seorg pengguna bhasa english yg teruk.. sigh.. apa kah.. ntah la.. aku rasa sungguh bosan sgt.. nak guna internet, punya la payah.. nak beli wifi, bah bg duit kat aku.. aku mmg gi beli skrg gak.. tp apa bleh buat, bank negara aku tutup.. wahaha.. aku x paham la ttg diri aku sendiri.. adakah aku seorg pembohong dan penipu.. adakah aku suka menungkit.. kalau ada, maafkan aku la.. sbb nya aku x tahu dan aku x paham aku sendiri.. mungkin betul kata org lain, aku org yg xda pendirian yg tetap.. lagi satu, aku mmg la tersangat jujur ikhlas terhadap org sehingga aku kena tipu pun aku x sedar.. kalo sedar pun, aku buat2 x tau.. biar la org cakap yg bukan2 kat aku.. janji aku sendiri tau apa yg aku cakapkan tu betul.. pandangan org lain, mana la sama pandangna kita.. org angguk pun belum tentu stuju apa yg kita ckapkan.. ntah2 dlm hati katakan tak stuju.. dah puas dah aku dijadikan kambing hitam, smua kesalahan org diletakkan diatas bahu aku.. aku dah penat melawan smua tu.. aku just tutup mulut n membebal dalam hati aku sendiri.. kalo aku sedih, bukan ada kwn nak dgr smua ceta aku.. yg pelik nya, kalo kwn aku sedih n down, comfirm cari aku.. call aku, ajak aku kuar.. dgr smua ceta msalah dorang.. aku bukan merungut cuma aku x paham, betul ke aku kawan korang.. time sedih baru nak jumpa aku, time korang happy, x nampak batang hidung pun.. time aku call n ajak korang kuar, fuiyohhh, nak meletup hp aku call.. asyik dgr kringgg yg x terjawab.. heran gak aku.. patut ke aku berkawan dgn org mcm tu.. lagi bhaya ada kawan yg tikam aku dr belakang.. aku mmg la marah tp nak buat mcm mana, benda dah berlaku.. yg betul2 kawan aku, ada la beberapa org.. tp dorang dah ada tanggungjawab masing2.. so, aku x nak la kacau.. manusia yg berpura2 mmg banyak sgt heh.. aku x tau nak mengadu kat sapa lg.. apa yg aku bleh buat, luahkan kat blog.. perkara yg aku x suka bleh jadi suka.. hehehe.. penat lorr.. doin the same thing everyday.. kalau bleh, aku nak merantau n berjalan sehingga aku penat dan behenti sampai aku rasa dah buat yg termampu.. lari2 ke arah yg aku x tau.. kat hati aku nih, mcm2 yg ada.. nak memahami diri aku mmg susah.. slalu bertanya kepda diri aku.. mcm org gila sudah bercakap sendiri dlm hati.. bila tgk org happy, gelak, senyum.. aku harapkan mcm tu gak.. happy, gelak,senyum.. tp aku x mcm tu.. ntah la.. dunia aku semakin malap kot.. x mampu aku katakan lg.. bila aku betul2 happy, aku pun dah x ingat.. bila aku happy, pastu gerenti x happy lg.. kejap je aku happy.. kalau aku tdo, aku harap aku x jumpa hari esok.. sbb esok hari xda maknanya.. aku masih mencari makna hidup aku sendiri.. ntah bila aku nak jumpa.. aku dah jumpa salah satu tujuan aku tp ntah la.. sbb tuhan slalu permainkan aku.. last2, hilang jua tujuan aku tu.. penat dah aku.. aku x tau nak lakukan apa lg.. aku cuma berharap tujuan aku tersebut xkan hilang dr aku.. apa2 pun, aku kan teruskan blog nih walaupun aku rasakan nak delete blog nih.. tengok la sampai kemana arah hidup aku bleh pegi.. manusia mmg lemah.. kalau ada yg kuat, good for u.. gtg.. bye.. to be continued..

Saturday..

What i been doin heh... doin some crazy stuff with my sis.. taking stupid picture of me.. and sending to her.. geez.. what im doin to my self.. goin out, nahh, not in my mind.. today just doin nothin but chatting only.. gtg.. not so much i wanna wrote.. such a boring n sleepy day.. whatever..

Stupid Phone Call..

This morning around 5am. I got this phone call. Shit damn it that women. She disturbing my dream. A nice and sweet dream with my love one. So stupid that women. I'm so so angry. Arghhh.. If my love one call me, i won't be mad like this. Let me tell you why i'm so angry.

Kringggg.. Kringggg...

Andy : Hellooo..

Stupid Women: Hellooo..

Andy : Yaa..

Stupid Women : Cam ada??

Andy : Haaa?? Cam?? Sapa Cam??

Stupid Women : Camillia..

Andy : Wrong Number.. Salah number tok..

Stupid Women : .......... tuttttttt...

Andy : Damn you, stupid you...

That women just hung up like that.. At least says sorry. I woke up early just to pick up that phone call.. Really pissed me off.. At that time, i'm having a nice dream.. sighh.. Bodoh betul..

BaD MooD!!!!!

Suddenly i'm not in mood. Don't know la.. what the hell..

feel wanna eat someone..

bite someone heh..

I'm Sick..

I'm sick of everything.. Hate living in this house.. Hope my dad buy a new one.. I'm not moving and live with them anymore.. Better for me live alone than everyday been lecture.. My ear turn to deaf if this continues.. I'm sick with all this.. Faking i'm happy.. I tried my best to solve this problem but it never end.. The best way is moving away from them or them moving away from me.. He said wanna build a house near beach.. Then, go ahead.. No objection from me.. Better away than near me.. If this won't happen, fine, i look for my self.. If i could, far away enough.. Don't be so dependable towards me.. I sick doing everything he says.. It still not right in his eye.. Let others do that thing for you.. I just want to be happy with her.. Nothing more important than she being with me.. One day, i will be gone.. So, at that time, dont miss me.. Someday, i hope you stop doing this to me.. I'm your son after all.. And you are my dad..

Confession...

I don't know where to begin with. What the meaning of love. It's just a talk or a word or really have a meaning inside our heart. For me, when i says i love you. I really mean what i says. Love is not a joke to play around. Love came from deep our heart. I don't know what else i gonna to say. I wish i know what the meaning of love inside your heart. She said i'm so special deep inside her heart. I know she love me. I know she afraid to be in love again. I know she afraid gonna hurt me and herself. I know what she been thinking lately. I believed we both just too afraid to admit and talk about this. I'm so afraid i gonna lose her. I love her so much. I can't breathing without her. I been thinking about this. I know and very sure i'm not wrong falling in love with. This feeling came deep inside me. I missing her so much. Everyday i waits for her. I don't care what others say. I found happiness inside her .She is the best ever precious came to my life. Let say it a miracle that God send to me. She is not a bad girl. I mean it. I look through inside her heart. She paint my life with wonderful colour. Before this my heart so black, now slowly it change to other colours. Now i know how to thank to God for giving me a precious person ever. I can't losing her. Someday, i know we both will get through all this and we both will happily ever after. I can think one solution for all of this, let we both be brave and facing all the matters together. Lets start a new day without worrying and thinking to much. Now, we both become one. We both will get through all of this. I will not run away from you. That all i wanna to say. One more thing, for others out there. Don't judge others because of something that happen to you. Don't blame others. Got problem, face it and fixed it. It's all about how you manage and solve the problem.

Wonderful Night..

Thanx dear for giving me a wonderful night. I love you so much dear. Thanx to God because sending me a beautiful and cute angel. You are really a angel to me. Miss you so much dear. I'm so happy being with you. You are my sunshine. Let me be your last love in the whole world. I will be with you for the rest of my life. God bless us.

looking for my own path...

Looking for my own path. Looking for something i loved to do. I wondering what the meaning of my life. Deep inside my heart so black, i mean pure black. Empty and unreasonable to stay alive. Sometimes i tired with all the problem that bugging me all the time. Really want to put an end of my life. Then i think again, who gonna take care of them if i gone. I love and miss them so much. The main meaning i stay alive is because of them. Other than that, i don't know. It seem i only see one colour only. Unlike others, see such colourful like a rainbow. I believed i should not give up and keep looking for something i loved to do. Maybe someday, i found what i been looking for.

"I don't understand you"

I don't know what you mean by saying 'i don't understand you'. Let me tell you what happen last night. Right before i sign out YM, i did tell you that i have to sign out. Someone is knocking my door so hard. You know who was it. Keep telling me to stop online and open the door. I'm just keep silent in my room what ever he said. At that time, i still online with you. I don't know what really happen to him. Lastly, i shut down my laptop and open my door. After that, you know what happen. I argue with him. Everything i do, he not satisfy enough. What the hell. For this couple years, i been listening and do what ever he said me to do. What else he want me to do. I want to do something i like and loved. I don't want to dependable with them. I'm not asking them anyway. Everything i do is my business. What he want from me anyway. I'm not disturb them. He want me accompany him watch tv or what so ever he want me to do. Ok, fine. I'm not in my room anymore. My lil brother went to my room and took modem from me. I really wanna online at that time, you send a msg saying 'i don't understand you'. I keep wondering, what you mean by saying something like that. If you don't understand, then ask me. I can't sleep and keep thinking what you mean. I told you everything. Maybe some of my ym msg don't reach at you. Aiyaa.. Btw, i miss you so much. Love you so much. Have a nice day. Muah.

My Story..

This is the whole story.. The truth that you dont want to listen and know.. What did i told u before is true.. I already told you about this.. I will tell you once again.. I am not shame with this because i really do love you so much.. I not shame if others read this too.. What the best way is ask me.. Read this once again dear..

I been with this girl for 3 years.. Almost 4 years before i and her broke up.. She the one who want to break up with me.. She told me that she got pregnant with someone else.. she doesn't love me anymore and she love someone else. I'm very shock and very upset. At that time, i in kuching and she in miri. For the past 3 years, i been loyalty with her. You know how it feels, rite. Well, you know the rest of my story. Then i wrote a letter to her but i never print it out and sent to her. Slowly i get over with it. I throw away all the stuff that she gave to me including her pic. I never keep it. The letter that u read is already a past. Something that i already let it go. All what written in that letter is just a emosional sadness. For your info, ever since that day she call me to break up. I never msg or call her. It take time for me to recover from that pain. Slowly it heals. After that, i'm afraid to be in love again. I'm not interested in relationship after that. Been a single guy 4,5 month after the broke up. Then, i meet you dear. You make me fall in love again. This time, i'm not make a mistake to falling in love with. I'm deeply falling in love with you. I'm accept who you are. I'm being me, who love you more than everyone else and more than my own life. I'm not blaming you for the all misunderstanding between us. It because of me. My own fault. I keep telling you that it was my fault. I'm so sorry dear. It's my own stupidity because wrote that letter. I'm not afraid being honest with you. I don't have any secret or hide something from you. I told everything what i know to you. All i did because ii really do love you so much and i want you to know how deep my love towards you. You are so precious and special to me. I hope what i'm wrote in here will make you trust and never doubt my love towards you. I'm not shame let others read and know what in my mind and my heart and how i feel towards you. If i could, i let the whole world know how much i love you and my heart, my life, my love belong to you. I'm so sorry dear. Please forgive me. I always think of you and love you so much. Missing you so badly. :((

I'm so sad.. I'm so sorry..

Last nite, once again i make her cry again.. I'm such a bad bf.. i feel so bad toward her.. if i could, i want her to be happy always.. I'm being honest all the time with her.. I'm listening what ever she says.. knowing and seeing her crying, was the worst ever feeling i ever had.. i can't sleep and keep thinking about her.. i know how hurt her heart is.. if i have a special gifted, i wanna heal her pain and heart.. chase away all the sadness deep inside her heart.. while i wrote this, i'm so sad.. how i want to gain her trust towards me.. how to convince her that i really do love her so much.. if i could, i sacrifice my life for her happiness.. i never run away from her.. i trust her so much.. i know how deep her love towards me.. i dedicated all my life for her.. I'm willing do anything to make her happy.. all the pain, i will keep it and never let u keep it.. if she know how deep my love towards her.. if i could, i lend her my heart and let her use my heart for one day.. she will know how much i love her and how much i missing her every minute of my life.. i appreciate every minute i spend with her.. i really don't know what to do.. wish i could talk to her rite now.. i really do love u so much.. so sad enough.. we both in love.. i wish i always be there beside you..


This Song For You Dear..

I will be - Leona Lewis

There's nothing I could say to you
Nothing I could ever do to make you see
What you mean to me

All the pain, the tears I cried
Still you never said goodbye and now I know
How far you'd go

[Bridge:]
I know I let you down
But it's not like that now
This time I'll never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Verse 2:]
I thought that I had everything
I didn't know what life could bring
But now I see, honestly

You're the one thing I got right
The only one I let inside
Now I can breathe, cause you're here with me

[Bridge:]
And if I let you down
I'll turn it all around
Cause I would never let you go

[Chorus:]
I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life, I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Ending bridge:]
Cause without you I cant sleep
I'm not gonna ever, ever let you leave
You're all I've got, you're all I want
Yeah

And without you I don't know what I'd do
I can never, ever live a day without you
Here with me, do you see,
You're all I need

[Chorus:]
And I will be, all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

All my life (my life), I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

[Chorus:]
I will be (I'll be), all that you want
And get myself together
Cause you keep me from falling apart

And all my life, you know I'll be with you forever
To get you through the day
And make everything okay

READ THIS...

Pada suatu pagi di satu sekolah menengah, ada seorang pelajar bertanya pada seorang guru yang sedang mengajar. Ketika itu, guru tersebut sedang menyentuh mengenai kasih dan sayang secara am.

Dialog di antara pelajar dan guru tersebut berbunyi begini :

Pelajar : Cikgu, macam mana kita nak pilih seseorang yang terbaik sebagai orang paling kita sayang?. Macam mana juga kasih sayang itu nak berkekalan?

Cikgu : Oh, awak nak tahu ke?.Emmm...baiklah, sekarang kamu buat apa yang saya suruh. Ikut je ye...mungkin kamu akan dapat apa jawapannya.

Pelajar : Baiklah...apa yang saya harus buat?

Cikgu : Kamu pergi ke padang sekolah yang berada di luar kelas sekarang juga. Kamu berjalan di atas rumput di situ dan sambil memandang rumput di depan kamu, pilih mana yang PALING cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi walaupun sekali. Dan kamu petiklah rumput yang PALING cantik yang berada di depan kamu tersebut dan selepas itu bawa balik ke kelas.

Pelajar : Ok. Saya pergi sekarang dan buat apa yang cikgu suruh.

Apabila pelajar tersebut balik semula ke kelas, tiada pun rumput yang berada di tangannya. Maka cikgu pun bertanya kepada pelajar tersebut.

Cikgu : Mana rumput yang cikgu suruh petik?

Pelajar : Oh, tadi saya berjalan di atas rumput dan sambil memandang rumput yang berada di situ, saya carilah rumput yang paling cantik. Memang ada banyak yang cantik tapi cikgu kata petik yang paling cantik maka saya pun terus berjalan ke depan sambil mencari yang paling cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi. Tapi sampai di penghujung padang , saya tak jumpa pun yang paling cantik. Mungkin ada di antara yang di belakang saya sebelum itu tapi dah cikgu cakap tak boleh menoleh ke belakang semula, jadi tiadalah rumput yang saya boleh petik.

Cikgu : Ya, itulah jawapannya. Maknanya, apabila kita telah berjumpa dengan seseorang yang kita sayang, janganlah kita hendak mencari lagi yang lebih baik daripada itu. Kita patut hargai orang yang berada di depan kita sebaik-baiknya. Janganlah kita menoleh ke belakang lagi kerana yang berlaku tetap dah berlaku. Dan semoga yang berlalu tidak lagi berulang. Jika kita berselisih faham dengan orang yang kita sayang itu, kita boleh perbetulkan keadaan dan cuba teruskan perhubungan tersebut walaupun banyak perkara yang menggugat perhubungan tersebut. Dan ingatlah orang yang kita sayang itulah kita jumpa paling cantik dan paling baik pada MULAnya walaupun nak ikutkan banyak lagi yang cantik dan baik seperti rumput tadi. KECUALILAH jika perhubungan tersebut tak boleh diselamatkan lagi, maka barulah kita mulakan sekali lagi. Maka sayangilah orang yang berada di depan kita dengan tulus dan ikhlas.

Maka, bersyukurlah dengan kasih-sayang yang kau terima pada hari ini, kerana jika kau meninggalkannya, mungkin kasih sayang itu tidak akan kembali seperti sediakala.

AIYAAA~~~

aku terlupa pasal blog aku.. wahahaha.. aiyokkkkkkk... mun aku x sign in td.. mmg aku lupa terus psal blog tok.. aiyaaa.. nasib baik la buah hati ku buat blog n aku antar komen.. tiba jak aku tgk ada dashboard.. maknanya wujud lg blog tok.. wahahaha.. aku dah berubah sejak last aku last post.. now i got 2 person in my life to taking care of.. i love them so much.. wlaupun aku slalu buat dia marah sakit hati n kecewa.. dia msh ada disisi aku.. aku betul2 sayangkan cintakan dia.. i miss her every minute of my life.. ingin ku katakan sluruh dunia yg aku cintakan dia.. walking side by side through our day.. aiyaa.. now i missing her so muchh.. huhu.. ok.. enuff with that.. what else i wanna to say.. ohh.. Barcelona Menang.. Yayayayay... hahaha..